I've recently been released from serving in the nursery and have had to deal with going back into RS and SS where you just sit and listen. I've loved working in the nursery, tending to the little ones, teaching a simple lesson, singing simple songs about the gospel and rocking them as needed. It seemed that just sitting in a class and listening to a lesson wasn't going to cut it with me. However, I still went. Today was my second time. I tried to prepare myself for the RS lesson hoping that would help me. I read the lesson and studied the scriptures. I was even impressed with a thought about a "not so important" part of the lesson.
We studied in the Teachings of the Presidents - Jospeh Smith manual and it talks about Cain not making a blood sacrifice but instead offering up the "fruit of the ground". It first appeared to me that Cain had the cards stacked against him. Abel had charge over the flocks and Cain had charge of the crops as I understood it. So, Abel offered up from his works and Cain offered up from his. However, the lesson brought out the fact that the offerings were to be blood offerings in similitude of the offering of the Savior. I couldn't understand why the Lord would set Cain up with the crops and then reject his offering ~ unless, Cain could have offered up a blood sacrifice and choose to offer another sacrifice in mockery of the Lord. Sort of,"If this isn't good enough for you, so what!"
It made me wonder how often I say, "I'm doing my best" when really I'm doing what comes easiest for me. Nursery was easy for me. RS isn't. What kind of sacrifice am I offering. What I want or what the Lord wants? An interesting idea, uh!
Also, while "sitting and listening" to the lesson I was prompted to remember a blessing that I was given before most of my children were born. I was told that I would always know when one of them was in trouble. I took great comfort in that knowledge because one of the things I dreaded most was having one of my children need help and me not even know.
Now, most of my children are out of my house and seldom do I know what's really going on in the their lives. Except, sometimes the Spirit still prompts me, "So and so, is having a hard time." Or, "So and so is struggling." I still may not know what the "hard time" or the "struggle" is about but I don't need to know that. I do however, say a prayer for that child and keep that prayer in my heart. I know that the Lord blesses us as He sees best and that He is aware of each of us. And I appreciate the Lord keeping me aware of my children and of their needs so I can pray for them if nothing else.
In Sunday School the teacher asked if anyone had ever wondered "why" they could pray for something to get better and yet it still gets worse. As the class made comments about the "why" I raised my hand and said that I didn't know "why" that would happened but that I trusted that the Lord had a plan in place and if just trusted Him, all would work out the best way possible. She said something to the effect of "What faith." As I thought on that later, I realized it wasn't just faith. I thought, "If you just knew my Father." He has always been there especially when things are the hardest. Sometimes I wouldn't let Him in and that's when it was the darkest, but other times, He would hold me in His arms while I cried and I knew He cried with me. Things are the way they are for a reason and great blessings come because of it. We grow closer to our Father and we feel of His love for us as we work out our mortal lives.
Now this one is the hard one. Ever since I started working I've paid my tithing without exception. I never really minded paying it because I guess I just knew I should. But, as I took on more and more responsibility for the family finances I paid only on what I received. Meaning, I paid on my net not on my gross. I reasoned that I needed every extra penny to get through that month and that I was sure the Lord realized this as well. I never felt bad about it and I can honestly say that I knew in my heart I had paid an "honest tithe". Lately, things have been quite tight and I am finding it hard to stretch what I have to meet the needs. I long to be out of debt personally and have the money to help family as I can. So, I've been applying to work evenings and weekend jobs. I've been confident that something will come along to get me over the hump and help me pay off my debt.
Then today in Sacrament Meeting the speaker said something about paying our tithing. I can't tell you exactly what he said because I stopped listening to him and listened to the voice within tell me that "if I would pay on the gross instead of on the net, I would have what I need." Ok, that sounds good doesn't it, but in reality it means if I do that then I have less of what I already have and there is a larger gap. There wasn't even a promise of an extra job. So, how do I do this? I get paid on Wednesday and next Sunday I'm going to pay on my gross. I don't know how I'll pay the rest of the bills but we'll see. Keep me in your prayers and I'll let you know how it goes.
I've gone on so long today. I guess when I don't think I'm going to learn anything that's when the Lord laughs and says, "We'll see about that."
Oops, I goofed when I did the last Tall and Short blog "Standing Strong". It was supposed to be on this site, but look, I'm getting better. :-)
